


Still Sane

by SassyCat



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-24
Updated: 2014-03-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 7,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SassyCat/pseuds/SassyCat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was just suppose to be a game.  After we won, everything was suppose to go back to normal. I guess in a way, everything did.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. My name is John Egbert.

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter and the next one are intro chapters. That's why they will be short.

I woke up screaming. Bloody murder probably, not that I could hear myself. All I knew, was that I was screaming. My hands tightly gripped the sheets around me, my whole body coated in a thin layer of panic sweat. My eyes Tightly shut, that is, until I felt someone holding me down trying to talk to me. Had I been thrashing? Now that I think about it I can't really feel my body. Everything was asleep, but my mind.

I had stopped screaming and was now...crying. Something heavy hit my chest. I chose then, to open my eyes and look down. The first thing I saw was blurry platinum blond hair, pale white skin and a dark tattoo on the persons left shoulder.

And just like that reality hit me. The blurry blond with his head on my chest was Dave and I was on earth, in my bed, shaking and crying.

My hand went to his hair so quick he slightly jumped. Dave was kneeling at the side of my bed, his hand was gripping my waist, potentially holding me down. His grip had loosened and he was now looking at me. He looked so concerned. I bit my lip and tried to find the right words to say.

"I'm fine." Two words changed his whole expression.

He sat up and my hand slid out of his hair and dropped, hanging over the side of my bed. "Bullshit. You're not fine, John."

I just stared up at the ceiling. He was right, I wasn't fine. Haven't been since we won that stupid game. By now Dave had stood up and was blabbing about how I needed to talk to Rose about this and the dream. Like usual I wasn't going to. She was just going to tell me what the dream meant, but I already knew. I'v had the dream at least 18 times since Dave and I moved in together.

I looked over at Dave pacing back and forth. He does that a lot now, that and get tattoos. Every time he has a new nightmare or dream about the game a new tattoo gets added. The Legendary Piece of Shit down the spine of his back, the crow on his left shoulder, the tally marks for how many times he's died on his inner wrist and of course the newest one his Time Symbol.

I'm sure he has more, almost positive. Tattoos pertaining to the trolls or his alpha self becoming Davesprite. He's never not wearing pants, when I know he hates wearing them to sleep. He's hiding something and it pisses me off. But I'll never ask him about it. It'd be cruel to ask about something that I know he doesn't want me to know about.

"Was it the same nightmare?" His soft yet upset voice tore me from my thoughts. I kept my mouth shut. He knew the answer to his question, why tell him something he already knows.

My door slammed shut and was followed by another slammed door. Getting up making my way across my room, I opened the door just as Dave opened his. He was dressed head to toe, shades included. He pushed past me in the hall. "Where are you, going?" No answer.

I followed him to the door only to have it shut inches from my face. I swung the door back open, regretting my decision as a freezing gust of wind hit me with the swing of the door. He had to have jumped the railing to get to his rusted red truck, because I could already hear the engine.

Leaning over the railing I shouted out after him. He didn't even look up at me as he backed out of the parking space. I watched as he sped off and out of the parking lot of our apartment complex.

All I could do now was go back into the apartment and wait for him to come back. Grabbing the throw blanket off the recliner, wrapping it around my shoulders plopping down onto the futon in-front of the TV. I wasn't going to turn it on, just stare at it. Maybe one day I'll turn it on and watch a shitty movie. But not today.

My name is John Egbert, and I'm having a hard time coping with my PTSD.


	2. My name is Dave Strider

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part 2 of the intro chapters.

"David, you have to go back." Rose reenters the living of her one bedroom apartment, addressing me on the couch.

I sat up watching her as she walked into the kitchen. "He won't talk to me about it, Rose."

"And that's grounds for not going back? Dave, he needs you." She leaves the kitchen with a glass of red wine and walks over to me sighing.

"I know he does, but he won't let me help. You should have heard him this morning. He told me, to my goddamn face, that he was fine." I didn't look at her, I knew she was judging me with her eyes. She always was. She was never not right though. So I stood up and grabbed my jacket off the back of her couch. "Fine, I'll fucking go home. I'v been here an hour, poor boy probably misses me like hell anyway."

Right as I was about to leave she came up to me and hugged me. "Tell him I miss him, will you?" I hugged her back and hummed in response.

15 minute drive back to the apartment. It wasn't long enough. There's no way I'd be able to deal with John's sad mug this early. I glanced at the clock in my truck. 12:43 am. Yep, too damn early. Regardless the time I knew that I needed to get my ass back in that apartment. So that's what I did, as fast as I could let myself.

I pushed the door open, after staring at it for at least a minute, and John stood from his place on the couch. I could tell he hadn't moved since I left, he was still only wearing his boxers. The only addition was my throw blanket.

"Miss me?" I was going to say something cocky and asshole-ish, but the way he looked made my heart hurt. I couldn't help but walk over to him and wrap my arms around his shoulders, pulling him into a hug.

He accepted the hug, clinging to me. I knew I should have come home sooner. He was a fucking mess, not that I wasn't. He knew I was just as fucked up as him. He knows I'm hiding something from him as well. I wanna tell him about my thigh tattoos in process. But I know that he'll freak out in the state he's in. So for now I'll just keep wearing sweat pants around the apartment no matter how uncomfortable is it. I'll show him when they are finished and when I think he'd be ready to see it.

John pulled away from the hug and looked up at me, still being enough inches shorter then me for it to matter. "You hungry?" I wasn't particularly hungry, but I could eat.

"Yeah, you gonna cook?" I let go of him causing the blanket that was around his shoulders to fall to the ground.

"If that's okay. I was thinking eggs, maybe pancakes?" He has already started for the kitchen as he asked.

"Either's good, bro." I took a seat at the breakfast bar, facing the stove.

"Pancakes it is then."

The clanking of pans and skillets was all I could hear after that. I was to busy being in my own head. All I could think about was why John hadn't changed into at least a shirt and how I was perfectly okay with that. I could clearly see the scar from when he was stabbed on his quest bed. Seeing his made me reach my hand up to my neck where my scar was perfectly visible as well.

My mind kept going back to this morning. Being woken up by Johns screams, not being able to do anything about it but trying to calm him down. It was eating me up. Neither of us have been the same since that dank ass game.

My name is Dave Strider, and I just want us to be happy again.


	3. No Turning Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm starting to think that most of these chapters aren't going to be that long after all..

Talking woke me up, Dave's loud talking to be exact. From the anger I could some what hear in his voice I concluded that he was talking to Dirk. After the game Dirk took Bro's place in Dave's life. Filled it quite well actually, at least that's what Dave always says.

I usually stay out of matters like this but, I could hear the tension in his voice, almost feel it though my bedroom door. As I was debating whither to go out and see what up or not, I heard him yell fuck you and then something crashed against a wall. That's all I needed to convince me that I needed to be out there. Within seconds I had my glasses on and was standing in the hall leading to the living room looking at Dave, hunched over on the floor at the end of the hall.

Walking over to him, I sat next to him my body turned so it was facing him more then the opposite wall. "You know, one night, I'll sleep though out the night."

"I'm guessin' that, that night isn't tonight?" He tilted his head to look at me.

"I'm afraid you are correct."

"I'm sorry dude, he's just-"

I cut him off. "I know. It's fine really. I'd rather wake up to you screaming then wake up screaming." Giving him a reassuring smile helped maybe just a tad. But not enough for him to drop being sorry.

Dave without his shades looked tired, overwhelmed, worried and most of all sad. He'd never admit to being any of these things, not to me at least. I didn't mind. I was all of the above and more. He just doesn't want me to try and worry about him. I respect that.

The sadness in his eyes grew with my words. I wish I could take back the last part or at least phrase it different. I couldn't though. I couldn't and I hated myself for it. For now the best thing is to get his mind off this. Off of the bad things that are happening within our separate minds.

Standing up, I held out my hand for him to grab. "Come on, lets just watch movies till you have to leave for work." He took my hand and I helped him off the floor. "You can pick the first film."

After 4 movies, 2 bowls of cereal and a pop-tart it was time for Dave to go to work. He worked at the coffee shop just down the street. He figured closest would be better. He was right.

I never left the apartment really. Last time I did though, I almost got arrested for attacking a man that at the time looked like Lord English. Dave used to call me every hour, but I finally got him to just call me on his break and to stop by for lunch.

It was noon when Dave left. I didn't mind being left alone. I mainly just watched movies and played the piano. Dad would have wanted me to continue to play. Not that I could ever just give up on playing. It's the only thing the man taught me that really stuck. I was grateful for that.

As it neared time for Dave to get off work, I was falling in and out of consciousness. Face pressed to the couch seat, right arm hanging over the edge and my left arm pinned under me by my chest. I wasn't going anywhere. Or so I thought.

Dave burst though the door coming straight over to me pulling me up. "What?" I whined.

"We're going to go see Jake." That woke me up.

"Oh, um, sure sound great." But in reality I could go the rest of my life without having to see Jake and still be a happy man. "Why?"

Dave was now pushing me into my room. "I gotta talk to him about some stuff about Dirk." Then he closed my door.

"I'll just get dressed then." I said more to myself then anyone.

I was a little upset. Mainly for the fact that I had to go with Dave to see Jake. He was my cousin, great person. I just hate how much he reminds me of Jade. The way he talked, the way he presented himself, the fact that he could be so dense that I just wanted to punch him in the face.

Not that I ever would.

I knew that I didn't have a chance of convincing Dave that I would be fine if he left me home once we where in the car. But I didn't every get to try because I was so out of it that my brain went to sleep and I woke up already being half way to Jake's place. I scolded my brain for doing so but it wasn't going to change the fact that I was now almost face to face with the 'grandson' of my cousin.

Sadly, there was no turning back.


	4. Challenge Accepted.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lets go to Jake's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Birthday Strider boy's. <3 (Dave's POV)

I knew John didn't want to go with me to Jake's. I could have just left him at the apartment, but he needed this. He needed to see Jake. Even if he didn't talk to him, seeing him would be enough. John needed to see someone other then me for a change. He had refused to see Jane, for she had reminded him to much of his dad. I understood that. It was actually the reason I used for not visiting Dirk as much as he would like. He really was Bro and I hated it.

We had reached Jake's place and John had nervous vibes radiating off of him. He looked over at me with the look of, 'I'm not getting out of this car bro, you can't make me.' so I shot him the look of 'Challenge accepted.' and he frowned.

He proceeded to whine and grunt as I pulled and pried him out of my truck. Which resulted in him falling back onto me sending us both to the ground and his elbow into my stomach.

"Fuck me. Watch were you put your elbows, John." He didn't seem as sorry as he normally would.

"Well, maybe if you hadn't tried to pry me from your fucking truck you wouldn't have gotten an elbow to the damn gut." Yep, he was pissed. Maybe I shouldn't have brought him here.

Just then Jake walked up, "Hello, champs." being as chipper as ever.

Jake's happiness must have pissed John off more, because he pushed himself off the ground and angrily walked to Jake's front door, opened it then slammed it behind him.

"He still hates me?" Jake may have meant that as a statement but it came out as a worried question.

"He doesn't hate you. He just hates you." Real clear there Dave.

"Right. Well shall we." He gestured to the door that had been previously slammed by John. I walked pasted him and was first to enter his house.

We stayed for around and hour or two. Just catching up on Jake's life. But as John and I started to leave Jake stopped me. "You go on ahead bro, I'll be there in a sec." I turned to face Jake and he looked reluctant to speak.

"So, um, how's Dirk doing?" I knew he was going to ask, but I still wasn't ready for it. I wanted to just tell him that he was doing great and that his robotics and smuppet bullshit was doing really amazing. It wasn't the whole truth though. He was far from happy. Our God Tier class and aspect followed us. I could speed up time on a few things; microwaves, lines at places. I also always knew what time it was even without a watch. John could close doors, cause a soft breeze to cool off and sometimes pick up light blankets.

So like us, Dirk got his Prince of Heart powers. Well the shitty ones that is. Every Love interest he had, every relationship, went to shit. The truth would be, that he hated his life. But I wasn't going to tell Jake that.

"He's doing pretty good. Always on my ass, but he's good." So I lied.

"Oh, well that's dandy. Thanks Dave. You know, for stopping by." He shot me a smile. I nodded as a good bye and then left to the car to get John home.

It was quiet for most of the ride home, but as we got onto the interstate John piped up.

"Why the fuck, did you take me with you?" His voice was slightly elevated.

"You needed to be there." I kept my voice calm.

"Bullshit. I didn't need to fucking be anywhere!" He was practically shouting at me now.

"You needed to see someone other then me John." I was trying so hard to keep my voice calm, but I knew if he continued to shout I was going to start shouting as well.

"No, Dave, I really don't. I swear to god if Rose told you that I needed to see other people, I'll-" I cut him off, now I was getting irritated.

"You'll what, John? Huh? Last time I checked, you didn't even want to talk to Rose. None the less fucking see her." He just sat there was I started to go off. "You know, this is probably what you wanted. Right? You wanted me to get mad so I'd be in your fucking level. Well here I am John. I am now on your goddamn level. You know what. I think we should fight it out. I'll just pull over the truck, we'll get out and fight. Is that what you want?" I pulled over onto the side of the interstate, parked the car and turned to face John.

"Come on man, I'm sorry." He had lowered his voice, but it was too late. I was way to tired of being yelled at.

"Don't 'come on man' me. I'm so fucking tired of people yelling at me for my actions. People that are supposed to be supportive and accepting, but just aren't." I stared at John as the look of sorry swept over his fetchers.

"Dude, I'm sorry. Just calm down. Please."

"Fuck that, nothing can calm be down. We could sit here for a goddamn hour and I'd still be pissed." I was exaggerating a bit.

Just then though. The look I had given John at Jake's house, before pulling him out of the truck, was on his face. Before I could react properly, John was inches from my face with his hand firmly on the back of my neck. I couldn't move back as he pushed his lips against mine for our second kiss as bros.

But then again, I didn't really want to move.


	5. Just Breathe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anything I say  
> Will give it away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry John's chapters turn out so short...I'm trying to make them longer but that shit's hard yo.

Dave and I had shared one kiss prier to this. It, like this one, served the same purpose. To distract. But unlike this one, my hands weren't covered in Jade's blood and I wasn't balling my eyes out. I was also kissing Dave, instead of him kissing me. But as the kiss lingered I came to the realization that maybe I shouldn't have done this.

The hand that was on the back of Dave's neck felt oddly warm and wet. Pulling my hand away and breaking the kiss I saw that there was blood coating my hand. Fuck, is Dave hurt. I then began to hyperventilate, there was defiantly not enough air getting into my lungs. I then looked up at Dave, he didn't look hurt just confused and slightly flushed. No where, that I could see, was there a wound that was causing the blood on my hand.

As my eyes panned over to the windshield, I saw Skia stretched out in front of me. I could have sworn that we were just on the interstate. The air in the truck got thinner. I needed out. I pushed and pulled the passenger side door until it opened, almost sending myself to the ground. Without bothering to close it, I bolted forward. Why am I on Skia? What the fuck is going on right now?

I stopped dead in my tracks as a paralyzing scream sounded in my ears. Like something I'd never heard before. But I had heard it before, because it was Jade's scream.

I quickly covered my ears but the sound only got louder.

As the scream came to an end I found myself falling to the ground, only to be caught by something. That something was Dave. Just as my cheek connected with his chest a car wised by. Fear now replaced the sorrow that I just had. Several more cars passed us. I was now terrified that a car was going to slide on the slightly icy road and hit us. But would that be so bad? If we get hit, we'll most likely die. And if we die all this pain and sorrow we feel would just go away. Vanish in an instant.

With that said, it wasn't planing on jumping in front of any cars. I may be depressed and sleep deprived, but I am not suicidal. At least not yet.

The car ride back to the apartment was quiet. Not that I minded. I preferred it actually. I could hear Dave's breath. Slow and steady. As I sat there, listening to Dave breath, I came to the conclusion that I didn't regret the kiss. Regardless of what had happened after word. So I figured I'd tell him just that.

"I don't regret it."

"Don't regret what, John?" He asked blankly, keeping his full attention to the road.

"The kiss."

His muscles tightened for a split second before he spoke. "Well after what just happened. We can't do it again." This time he talked with a little more feeling.

"Why not. How am I suppose to get over this if I don't do the things that trigger it?" What I said really had no logic to it.

"What just happened was scary as shit. Not just for you but for me too. I thought you were going to jump in front of a moving car, John. If that's not a big red flag, then I don't think I know what is." He came off a little irritated.

"How do we know that this will happen the next time we kiss?" It came off sounded more like a plead and less like a question.

"We don't. But I'm not going to risk you having another mental break down while I'm mackin on you. Okay. I don't want either of us to go through that." He had a point. Something that I couldn't argue about was that I didn't want to go through that again. So I kept my mouth shut and went back to staring out the window and listening to Dave breathe.

All in all, I just wanted to go back home and sleep. Regardless if I had a nightmare or not. At least I'd be home.


	6. Here To Stay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took longer then expected to get out. Didn't know how to end it. But after some rewriting I got it under control. Enjoy.

I was freezing when I woke up. Why the fuck, was I freezing? It's usually always toasty in this damn apartment. I sat up and realized my first problem. My comforter was missing and so was my Egderp. Getting up, I sleepily stumble to and out of my bedroom door. Then down the hall and into the living room to find said Egderp, watching a movie eating toast.

"Shit dude, it's freezing in here." As I got closer to John it somehow got colder. I was now slightly shivering as I stood behind the couch hovering over John's head.

"Oh man, I'm sorry Dave. I woke up sweating, so I came in here and thought I'd try and just cool down the living room. Guess it got into your room." And just like that he snapped his fingers and all the cold air left, allowing me to gain the feeling back into my toes.

"Wait. Did you just-" I cut myself off. "I didn't know you could do that much."

He dryly chuckles. "Yeah, I was the Heir of Breath Dave. I'd be worried if I couldn't cool down a room."

"The whole apartment was freezing."

"I'v been doing this for like 2 hours, dude." He then turned back to his movie. Then it ended and he got up and walked into the kitchen. "So tomorrow is Thanks Giving. We going to a big family dinner like last year?"

Truth be told, I really didn't want to go. But I knew that Roxy would have a fit if John and I didn't show up. "We have no choice. Roxy will personally bring everyone here if we don't. I think it will be better if we suck it up and eat in a house with enough for all of us to not have each others elbows in our mouths instead of food."

John just nods and yawns. That's when I check the clock and see that it is 10 am, which means John woke up at 8. He got little to no sleep.

"Maybe you should go and try to crash again, bro."

"I was gonna wait till you left for work." He opens the fridge and pours himself some apple juice and then some for me. Then walks back over to the couch.

Grabbing my glass from him, I sit on the couch next to him as another movie gets started. "Well, I gotta open today. Gotta leave in an hour."

He just sips his juice and nods.

30 minutes later he's passed out on my shoulder, and I have to get ready for work. I gently pick up his head and place it on the seat cushion that my butt was just on, then raced to take a shower and get changed. As I left I turned on the ac and made sure the door was locked.

Driving up to the coffee shop, I saw a ginger with a guitar case on her back standing at the doors. Walking up to her, I could tell she had been there for at least 15 minutes because, she was shaking and bouncing on the balls of her feet trying to stay warm. She then spotted me and a glimmer of hope flashed over her face. "Fucking shit, please tell me you work here."

"What if I told you I didn't?" I really just wanted to see what she would say. Hopping it would be a little entertaining.

She bit her lip. "I'd probably hit on you. But if you work here, then I wont. Cause your boss said that I'm not aloud to. It's so fucking stupid, how the fuck would he even find out if I did. I know damn well that you, or anyone else for that matter, wouldn't tell him." She's almost pouting now. Like mid spiel she realized that I worked here because why else would I be here so early.

"Well I do work here. I'm opening today actually. Which I see why now." I said the last part out loud on accident. I quickly opened the doors and she practically ran in. Managing to barely hit me square in the face with her guitar.

Thankfully she dropped what I had accidently said. "So." She draws it out. "Are you Karkat?" She takes a seat at the closest table, crossing her lags, smiling up at me.

  
Before I could tell her no, that I wasn't Karkat, said person burst through the doors of the coffee shop. Bringing snow with him. "God fucking dammit! I will never get used to this stupid fucking earth season called winter!" He froze when he saw the girl who I still didn't know the name of.

Karkat was covered head to toe in winter clothing, snow covering his head and shoulders. "This, is Karkat. I'm Dave."

"So who the fuck are you?"

She doesn't even seem phased by the way he asked her. Just smiles, replays, "The name's Lilith." and flashes a smirk at him. "You get to train me today, Kitkat."

I looked over at Karkat and he just turned redder then he was when he walked in from the cold.

"You're name is actually fucking Lilith? Dick shit, really!" He just took off his hat and threw it at her, all the while she was dying of laughter. "How did you even know? Have you been stalking me or some shit?!" She just continued to laugh while shaking her head.

Karkat then takes off his coat and sits at the table with her, where they continue to talk till he decides to take her to the back of the shop to start her training.

As the door to the back storage room closes behind them, I got this feeling that I know all to well. But I didn't see him. So I pushed it out of my head and continued setting up for the day. The feeling, like usually, didn't go away. Karkat and Lilith went in and out of the storage room, the feeling leaving once one or both walked into the shop.

By the time it was 3 in the after noon I was completely on edge. "Hey man, you're off for lunch." Xander slapped his hand onto my shoulder, making me jump ever so slightly. "I'll take over." Xander is a green blooded Troll. Who, until royally pissed off, is one of the nicer Trolls I've run into.

I used my lunch break as I usually did. Going back to the apartment to have lunch with John. But this time, I saw something that made me stop dead in my tracks and wish I hadn't left the Shop.

I saw Davesprite, standing across the street, smirking at me. I thought about turning on my heal and going back inside. But there was nothing to gain if I were to do so.

Because Davesprite was in my head, and I feared that this time he was here to stay.


	7. Wizards in Space

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took waaaay to long to get out. I'm hella sorry about that. Please don't hate me. Dirk is just a pain in the ass to write dialog for.

I don't know why I even asked Dave if we would go this year. I don't know why I agreed to cook a side dish so damn early in the morning. And I don't have the slightest idea as to why I forced myself to sit next to Jane and Jake. I think I'm actually going insane. That's the only conclusion I can bring myself to.

After dinner I excused myself to the bathroom. Not that I even needed to go, I just couldn't be in that crowded and hot dinning room with people I can barely look in the face.

"Hey." But it seemed like that wasn't going to happen.

As I turned to face the person who had followed me away from the dinner table, I saw that it wasn't Dave but Dirk. "Yes." I made my tone as hostile as I could possibly manage.

"I know you don't want to talk to anyone right now. But this isn't 'bout you." I just nodded for him to continue. "It's 'bout Dave. I don' know if you've realized, but he seems real off. More so then usual."

He was right though. Ever since yesterday at lunch he's been acting borderline paranoid. Never looking anyone in the face, always right by their head. Like something was behind them, but nothing ever is. "Yeah, I realized that. He's been like that since yesterday. I have no idea what up with him. He wouldn't tell me." And Dave tells me everything. Everything I ask about anyway.

Dirk took off his shades hanging them on the collar of his shirt. He had dark circles under his eyes. There's no way that he's been getting enough sleep. Not that I don't understand, sleep is the single most hardest thing to get enough of now a days. I knew what taking off their shades meant to the Striders. Dirk and I are about to have a real serious talk. I can't say I'm mentally prepared for said talk, but I can't tell him that.

"I'm worried 'bout him John. I know if I just go up to him and tell him that, that e'll just shoot me down." He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth, when he reopened his eyes I could tell that he just wanted to cry. "We've all lost so much with that damned game. I don't want any of us to 'ave to go though loosing Dave too."

I knew why he felt so strong about that. It wasn't just because he was talking about his brother. He knows how much everyone in our group loves and cares about Dave.

"I'm not gonna let anything happen to Dave, Dirk." At least I was going to try.

"I'm so far in my own mind that I probably wont be much help but that wont stop me from keeping an eye on him." He looked at me with way to much gratitude. I didn't feel like it was something I deserved. I didn't deserve it. I was probably half the reason why Dave was retreating back into himself. He couldn't leave me alone for to long unless he knew that I was just going to sleep the whole day.

But as I was about to tell Dirk that I didn't deserve the look that he was still giving me, he pulled me into a tight hug and held it for a few seconds before absconding off down the hall.

With Dirk now gone I was left in the hallway alone. I stared at the wall opposite me and saw that I was not alone, but accompanied by a wizard. This white bearded wizard was on some type of rock in space. He was reaching out with one hand and had a moon like staff in the other. I'm not one for wizards, but this has to be my favorite poster in the whole house, and I can't exactly pinpoint why.

But then it clicked. This wizard was in space. Jade was a Witch of Space. Just as the realization hit me, so did the ground and I blacked out.


	8. Recovered Memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Came up with the ending to the chapter while listening to Run To You by Pentatonix.

There was a thump that came from down the hall where John and Dirk had gone. My heart started to race. Something terrible was about to or is happening and I need to be down that hallway now. So I made it happen.

The chair hit the floor as I stood causing everyone to look at me. I flash stepped into the hallway that the thump came from and then froze. There was John, on the floor, curled up shaking. As I slowly walked up to him I hear him breathing uneasy. 

I knelt down and pulled him into my lap. 

The longer we sat there on the hallway floor, the thinner the air kept getting. When time reached the almost 30 minute mark his heart beat had began to slow and he had stopped shaking. But the fact that the air was getting thinning couldn't be a good sign.

I was starting to get really fucking lightheaded. I needed to get someone's attention before I either pass out or throw up. 

Banging was really all I could do. Yelling was way to hard. Rose was the first to show up, thank god. 

"The air is so thin in this hallway. Brother what is going on?" She walked up to me.

"Can we die?" Was all I could say. 

"I do believe so."

"How do you know?" Worry was more think in my voice then I would have liked.

"Well, Dirk has-" She was cut off by Roxy putting her hand on her shoulder.

"Dirk has?" I questioned

"Dirk has looked into it is all. But the fact that it is getting easier to breathe in here tells me that John is not dying." She gave me a reassuring smile before walking away with Roxy in front of her.

Just then John jolted up with this horrified look on his face, until he looked at me. He pushed himself off of me, "How could you?" was all he said before sprinting out of the house and slamming the door shut behind him. 

Getting up, I followed him only to find him waiting for me. "How could I what, John?"

He scoffed. "Don't play clueless with me Dave, don't you fucking dare!"

But it wasn't an act. "But I really don't know what you're talking about. Dude I'ma need some form of context." 

"You fucking killed her! How could you not remember that!" He stepped closer to me with his fists clenched. "You let her sacrifice herself for us when It was my role to play, you asshole!" He punched my chest, "You asshole! Fuck you!" and continued to punch me and call me an asshole.

I wrapped my arms around him to try and calm him down but he only got more violent. Shouting at me to let him go. 

Once I did he stepped back away from me. Fists no longer clenched but still had the look of pissed on his face. "I can't be around you right now."

I froze. "What?" I asked barely audible.

"I'm going home with Rose." He walked past me, but stopped right behind me, "I can't believe I let you do that." then walked into the house. Leaving there alone.

"I didn't think she would die." I said to no one but myself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so glad so many of you like this. I actually didn't think this fic would go anywhere. But I'm glad it is.


	9. Unheeded Warnings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is longer and I think you have the Pentatonix to thank for that. because I wrote the beginning of the chapter and stopped for a while, then I started listening to them and couldn't stop writing. Sorry this took so long. Please enjoy <3

I hated leaving Dave alone after I had promised Dirk I would look after him. But that was before I had that flashback seizure thing. I thought I was going to die. Rose said that from her and Daves end it seemed that way as well. 

I'm curled up on her couch right now actually. I didn't really think she would let me go home with her. But I'm glad she did. Just as I put my attention back onto the TV, Rose walked through the living room to the kitchen. She was on the phone. So I had to listen.

"Yes, he's here." - "I'm sure he knows that." - "No, I won't tell him." - "Because it's only been a few days, David." - "He will come home when and if he is ready." - "You're acting like a child!" I could tell that Dave was yelling, Rose only ever raised her voice to him when he was yelling. Sometimes not even then. "Yes you are, if you really want to tell him then call him yourself." - "Oh, I do wonder why. You did kind of kill his sister." - "I know, I'm sorry. If it makes you feel better, I made myself sad with that last remark." - "Fine, I will tell him. Now weather he listens to me is a different story." - "Okay. Goodbye. And please take my words into consideration." She then hung up.

"John, it is very rude to listen in on other peoples conversations." Rose pokes her head out of the kitchen to smirk at me. I hadn't even realized that I had been staring at the kitchen this whole time. 

"Sorry, but I couldn't help but listen when you mentioned Dave." I looked back at the TV.

"It's fine dear, he actually wanted me to tell you something. That is, if you're willing to listen to me." She had made her way into the living room by now. Taking a seat in the arm chair next to the couch I was on.

"I guess I could listen to you." Though I couldn't really care less about what Dave has to say.

"Well, he said that he " She paused, causing me to glance over to her. "He said that he really misses you, and wishes to talk to you about what all happened." Her voice was laced with sympathy, probably for me and him. 

"I'm not ready to talk to him yet." Though you did miss him as well. But this was a big tare in the friendship. 

Rose seemed to understand, because she just nodded and then left the room. Leaving me with my movie and my thoughts. 

It had been a few days before Rose convinced me to call Dave. But when I did, he didn't answer. I didn't think much of it. Maybe he wasn't ready or just busy with work. So I waited another day. Even called later in the day, knowing that he wasn't going to be at work. No answer. So I called again, then again. Still nothing. That's when I got worried.

Rose suggested that I call his work, maybe he was still there. So I did. But instead of Karkat, who I expected to answer, some girl answered. "It's Hot coffee shop, this is Lilith, how may I help you?" You remember Dave talking about the new girl now that you hear her name.

"Hello, is Dave there?" Right to the point.

"Oh." Her voice turned very worried. "I can't say that he is. He hasn't been to work in a few days actually. May I ask who I am speaking too?" I could hear Karkat yelling at her int he background.

"This is John. What do you mean he hasn't been into work for a few days?" 

"I mean, he just stopped showing. No call either. Kitkat and I are rather worried about him." 

I chuckled at the nickname before going back to being worried as shit. "Damn. I'v called him a few times, but got no answer. Tell Karkat that I'm going to go and check on him. I'll tell him if anything is a miss."

She relayed that message to Karkat before giving me a firm "Good luck. I do hope he is fine." then hung up.

I stood up, pocketing my phone, and put on my shows. "I'm going back to the apartment. Something is wrong with Dave. I need to know what." Rose stood as well and went to get her keys. But instead of leaving with me, she just handed me the keys.

"Please make sure my brother is okay. I have a feeling he didn't heed my warnings." She looks several shades of worried. With keys in hand I ran out the door and to her car. Speed limits be damned. Roses warnings should always be listened to and if Dave didn't then I should be way more worried then I thought.

Praising whatever god there was for not getting me pulled over, I pulled into a parking space and quickly made it into the building. I made it there in less then 10 minutes. 

Finding the right key on Roses key ring served harder then expected. Once I got the door unlocked I swung it open. To my surprise, though, the apartment was relatively clean. Dishes even done. But the air was less then pleasant, I'd even call it almost rancid. Not the smell though, no, the way it felt. Something was off, I could feel it.

Then there was a loud bang and a cry. I froze. It happened again, but louder, harder. Then again. I unfroze. Before I knew it I was at Dave bedroom door pulling it open. What I saw next was also less then pleasant, rancid even.

There was Dave, face down on the floor. Blood in his hair, on the carpet under him, covering half of his white shirt and on the walls. He had large claw marks on his arms. Shades broken. I could only assume that his face was also covered in blood and potentially broken. I started to shake. What happened here. Who did this? How did they get away? The window wasn't open and the only way out was the bedroom door. 

Then it accorded to me, what had Rose warned Dave about?


End file.
